Vet Wisdom® Café

An Amazing New Resource for Parents

Liz Hauser lost her dog Bubba in 2006 and it left a hole in her heart.(Bubba is pictured below.)

Liz, 13, wanted to help other children who were experiencing the pain of pet loss, so she produced a video that helps explain grief to kids and their parents.  But, Liz didn't just grab the family camcorder and interview the neighborhood gang.  Instead, she proposed the video as a service project to the Davidson Institute for Talent Development.  Liz was selected by the national organization, wrote the script, and interviewed all the subjects.  Her mom and dad pitched in the funds to hire a professional videographer and a brilliant---and much needed---resource was born!

Entitled "A Hole in My Heart", this video is exceptionally well done.  It features Liz, several kids of all ages, and Gail Bishop, clinical coordinator for the Argus Institute at Colorado State University's James L. Voss Veterinary Teaching Hospital.  Gail provides just the right amount of information about pet loss and grief and the kids say just the right things about what it's like to lose a beloved pet.

It helps children know that, when they're feeling sad and missing the pet they truly loved, they're not alone.  And that's what Liz hoped to do...help kids feel supported and cared about as they grieve.

Please check it out.  And tell the parents and veterinary teams you know about it.

I know it's going to help a lot of people.

--Laurel

Related articles you might find helpful:

Ten Ways to Help Children With Pet Loss

Ways to Memorialize a Pet

School Blues

School is starting back all over the country. While there are a lot of tired parents out there who are relieved about this, there are probably a lot of pets going into mourning. It's a simple fact. Pets love summer...they love time at home with their humans and their "kids."

I have one friend who tells me that every start of the school year is very hard on their family dog saying "she mopes around the house acting all depressed and sad like she's doesn't know what to do." Do you think that pets get "depressed" when the children in the family go back to school? Are animals capable of this emotion?

At our house, I think my dogs are quite bummed that my kids are back in school. Now, they're stuck with just me and I can't even begin to match the energy level of my two healthy, active, and adventurous children! Oh well, they'll just have to settle with taking naps with me instead! (photo from bigstockphoto.com)

--Dana

Something Little Packs a Punch

Do you ever have days when you're in a bad mood and then all of a sudden, something little happens and changes your whole attitude? It's a nice little treat, isn't it? This week has been the start of school so we've had some increased stress in our household. Today, after school ended, I walked up to meet my son feeling cranky and grouching about the afternoon heat.

But on the walk home, a little boy approached me just bubbling over with excitement about how his dog's behavior problems are "all fixed." I knew this boy immediately (his family and their pets come regularly to the pet hospital). This particular family is so conscientious they could be a walking poster child for what an ideal and responsible pet owner should be.  Unfortunately, they have had some very serious behavior issues with one of their dogs...so much so, that they've even had to consider relinquishing this dog (which was agonizing, devastating and horribly painful for them to even consider).

Hearing this good news about the dog lightened my mood almost instantly (I had spoken to the mother a few months ago and had recommended her to Bark Busters--the well-known dog training program). I was thrilled to hear that the referral worked and the happy sparkle in this little boy's face just completely made my day (and week).

Behavior problems are a huge issue for pet owners and many clients at our hospital will ask for advice and guidance. We do the very best that we can, but I always end up wondering how the "story" ended. Have any of your pets had serious behavior problems? How did it affect your life, family, and your mood? What role do you think the veterinary profession should play in all of this?

--Dana

Teacher's Pet

As we do every year, Steve and I volunteer to teach a veterinary science enrichment course at our local elementary school . We always bring in real pets so the class can be "hands on." The kids are always so enthusiastic and it's amazing to see how a live animal can bring out the best in a child (kids that are loud and unfocused can become quiet and gentle in their presence ).

My sweet Pfeiffer had always been our vet science star. She would let the kids listen to her heart, test her reflexes, and allow Steve to draw some of her blood. She was always so calm and gentle with the kids...it makes me miss her even more. Now, the mantle has been passed to our other two dogs. Clementine (our itty, bitty boxer) was all for it. She loves people and is remarkably well behaved in loud public areas. She let all 20 kids test her reflexes and patiently stood by as Steve demonstrated a physical exam.

Our other dog Chance (our pit bull) was a completely different story. Because of his breed, we spent an enormous amount of time socializing him when he was a puppy (especially with children). He absolutely adores children and during the most recent class, he was so excited with the kids that he wouldn't stay seated ( he kept flopping over on his back to allow the  kids to rub his belly). Of course, the students were happy to oblige which only reinforced the behavior. Overall,  he's a very well-behaved boy but when it comes to kids, he loses focus (he also has a bad habit of licking everyone). I suppose most kids don't mind the dog kisses but I sometimes wonder about the sanitary implications (although we are talking about an elementary school here...germ central). Can a few extra puppy kisses hurt?

Although he doesn't know it yet, Chance will be practicing his "sit-stays, and down-stays" before Thursday's class. If you were going to volunteer to teach a class with your pet(s), which one(s) would you choose and why? What kind of problems would you likely encounter? Which one would make a perfect teacher's pet?

--Dana

"Have You Seen My Hen?"

Even after more than two decades of providing pet loss support, I'm still amazed at how often the topic comes up in normal, every day life.  Hardly a day goes by when I don't hear of a situation that involves a person, a pet, and some sort of trauma.  And, for the most part, I think we, as a society, are still not "getting it" in terms of taking the significance of the "bond" seriously.

A case in point.  A couple of weeks ago, I learned about a neighborhood whose email was abuzz with a debate over how one neighbor had handled a situation with another neighbor, all set off by a 10-year-old child's pet.

It seems the child had come home after school (her parents weren't home yet) to find her favorite exotic chicken missing.  Frantic, she set out on her own to try to find her hen.  Bravely, she knocked on her neighbor's door, asking if their dog was in their yard because he had been known to eat their chickens and one of hers was missing.  Now, I understand that the man who answered the door probably felt a bit defensive about having his dog accused of such a crime, but he showed the little girl no empathy and shut the door on her tear-stained face.  Then, he sent out a neighborhood-wide email, telling everyone else that he had had a visit from a 'stranger' and implied that someone wasn't keeping track of their child well enough.

Upon receiving the email, the mother, of course, fired back, explaining the situation and asking why on earth her next door neighbor, a man who certainly should have recognized the little girl who had grown up next door to him for 10 years, hadn't comforted the child and offered to help her look for her chicken.

You get the gist of it...the argument went on, with other neighbors weighing in...some saying he should have helped, others defending their own dogs, a couple criticizing those who raise chickens in the first place...ugly.

But the point I want to make is that, behind all the bickering, there was still a little girl who loved a hen and thought she had lost her forever.  The first time a child loses a pet is so critical...it can teach life-long lessons about how to (or how not to) handle feelings of loss and grief, not to mention who to turn to and trust for support and assistance.  In the end, the lost hen was found!  And the little girl learned there were many neighbors and adults who understood her feelings and offered to be there for her in the future.

But, if it had ended there, on her neighbor's doorstep, with tears streaming down her face and feeling all alone with her despair, it could have been a much different story.

Have you ever helped a child out when they were sad or upset about a pet?  How did you do it? (photo from Bigstockphoto.com)

--Laurel

"Call Me The Breeze"

"They call me the breeze...I keep rolling down the road. I've got that green light baby... I gotta keep moving on. There's no change in the weather... ain't no changes in me. I ain't hiding from nobody and nobody's hiding from me. Well now they call  me the breeze...I keep rolling down the road."

 --Lynyrd Skynyrd

This was the perfect life and theme song for my sweet 13 year-old dog Pfeiffer (we had to euthanize her last Thursday night) (see above picture). Despite having two terminal intestinal diseases, she was tough, brave, and still managed to stay casual and calm during rough times. She was an inspiration to our family because she always took whatever adversity she faced in stride. Yes...she had the wisdom to keep rolling down the road because she knew how to take each day as it came, never worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

It would be an understatement to say that it was difficult for my family and I to euthanize Pfeiffer. As a grief counselor, I'm aware of the nauseous roller coaster that pain and grief can create. Yet, despite all this, I can take some comfort in knowing that this decision was the right one. We gave her a peaceful, loving and dignified death free of needless suffering. It was a hard day, but one I'd like to briefly share.

After the kids got home from school, we took Pfeiffer over to the Garden of The Gods. There are terrific pathways there for people and dogs to walk on (this was one of her favorite spots). It was snowing that afternoon (which we were very grateful for since Pfeiffer has always loved the snow and cold).  Although she had trouble standing up and walking, she was able to walk a little bit with us supporting her. After spending some time sniffing the bushes and listening to the birds, we took her home (after treating her to several Arby's roast beef sandwiches on the ride home). Once home, we put her on her most favorite blanket in our living room and then surrounded her with our own blanket of love.

I'm always hearing from people how helpful World by the Tail products are in working through grief. Last week, I experienced this first hand as we were able to memorialize Pfeiffer right away. We made four ClayPaws® prints (one for each of us). My son chose to use the heart shaped cutter while the other prints were the traditional circle shape). All four prints came out beautifully and were unique to each of us (by using the many charms, ribbons, and stamps available to personalize our prints). We also used one of the large body care bags to transport Pfeiffer's body to the crematory. Later that night, we all sat down together and read both Dog Heaven and A Special Place For Charlee.These books and our subsequent discussion afterward was very healing. During the next few weeks, we also plan to use the Sweet Petatoes® Pet Memories Box, The Photo Brag Books as well as the Deluxe Dog Scrapbook kits. All these products will help us with our grief and keep her close to us.

Like many of you, I'm grateful for the wonderful people and products at World by The Tail.  I'm also grateful that I could talk to you all about my dear, sweet, old lady. Who knows.. with World by the Tail's guidance and our family love, maybe someday I can return to rolling down the road.

--Dana

 

The Other Side of The Street

 "Physician heal thyself", "put your money where your mouth is", "it's time to walk the talk"...they all apply. My old, sweet German Shepherd mix (Pfeiffer) is slowly dying. In an few weeks, she would turn 14 years old. As much as I want her to make it to that day, I don't want to force her to do it either.

Yes...the pet loss counselor is now the client needing support so I appreciate it if I could share with you. Pfeiffer developed two horrible diseases over the past 6 months. She's got severe inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) which causes a condition known as "protein losing enteropathy." Simply put, her intestines cannot absorb nutrients from the food that she eats. If that wasn't bad enough, she also has a problem known as "exocrine pancreatic insufficiency" (EPI) a disorder in which the pancreas stops producing the enzymes necessary to digest and take in food. There's a specific medicine for this...a powder that actually breaks down or "digests" the food before she eats it. It was working for a short time, but her intestinal disease is proving to be too much for her.

I don't understand all this fancy medical jargon but I do know this...Preiffer is slowly starving to death and there's not a single thing we can do to stop it. No matter what we feed her and what medicines we give her, she is slowly wasting away as her energy, strength, and spirit keeps dropping every day. Since she's not absorbing nutrients, she has lost a great deal of strength and she ends up falling down a lot. She also has trouble with controlling her stool so she has frequent accidents. When I add all this up together, it just doesn't seem like a good quality of life to me.

I can recite for you chapter and verse of all the things I would say to help a client in this situation. It's a whole different matter however when you're on the other side of the street. I find that my head is at constant war with my heart. Intellectually, I know all the questions we need to ask in helping us make a decision about euthanasia. However, my heart is not cooperating as I find that most of the time, all I can do is cry. As Steve is a veterinarian, he could probably keep her going for several more weeks but here's the rub...just because we can keep her alive longer does that mean we should ? It seems ironic to me that I've helped hundreds of pet owners make euthanasia decisions just like this but my professional knowledge is of little help (and it some ways makes it worse).

I've always been a huge proponent of quality of life and it sounds good in theory to euthanize pets before they end up truly suffering. The reality of it however is quite a different thing. It hurts, it's confusing, and it's driving me crazy. As a family, Steve, the kids, and I have decided to euthanize her at the end of this week. Being with her these past few days has been both a blessing and a curse. We can love on her more than we ever have, but in the end, there is still this dark, scary, ominous day coming soon.

I'm sure many of you have been in situations like these with your own pets. How have you balanced the desire to keep them going with their quality of life? Thanks for letting me share with you. I guess it's that's awful time when I  need to put my money where my mouth is.

--Dana

What Would YOU Add to This Advice?

"Dear VetWisdomCafe,

I need advice about allowing my preschooler to "be there" when we put our dog to sleep next week.  She is very in tuned with what happens to animals since I work in "animal rescue" but I don't want to scare her.  She loves our dog sooo much and knows he is very sick. I told her he is dying.  Since I am doing the euthanasia at home, I wanted to see if she is too young to witness this.

Thank You,
A Concerned Mom"

 

Here's how I replied...please add your thoughts and experiences!

Good morning, Concerned Mom,

I'm so sorry to hear of your dog's illness.  I understand how hard it is to live with the awareness that you will be losing him soon.  I know how many issues and decisions come up during this time.  The anxiety and confusion about what to do can truly preoccupy your time and thoughts....I admire your concern for your daughter and your willingness to seek some additional wisdom.

Let me begin by telling you that, like you, I have daughters (both of whom have been present at several pets' euthanasias) and also worked with many, many families with young children when I was the grief counselor at Colorado State's Veterinary Teaching Hospital.  So many parents felt the way you do...wanting to protect their children from additional sadness or even trauma, yet instinctively knowing that it just might be more beneficial for children emotionally and intellectually to be part of the saying good-bye process.

Here's what the research from the grief counseling field, as well as clinical experience, has taught me about children and pet loss:

First, as you probably know, pre-schoolers are not yet cognitively developed enough to truly be able process death.  They understand people around them feel sad and they can grasp that the pet who has always been there will no longer be physically present.  However, they don't really understand that death is permanent or that, eventually, death will come to each of us.

The up side of this developmental stage is that your child will most likely not be "frightened" by the death...she may not personalize it or even connect it to any fear of others dying.  Most likely, she will see it as a natural occurrance and may even seem quite curious about it.  You, of course, will comfort her and reassure her that this type of death (euthanasia) is only for animals and that all the people who love and surround her are healthy and planning to be with her for many years to come...

The "down" side of the preschooler development stage is that, because preschoolers don't have a complete grasp of language and can't always express what they are feeling, you may see her "acting out" a bit more because she can't really tell you that she's sad or confused about what has happened with her pet.  Your daughter may also repeatedly ask when your dog is coming back and she may even get angry with you for not bringing him back to her.  This is completely normal and shouldn't be interpretted as her being scared.  It just takes patience on your part to continue to explain death as best you can to her and empathize with how much she would like to see her dog again.  "I miss him, too.  I wish I could bring him back, but that is simply beyond my power..."

As for the actual euthanasia, you certainly know your daughter better than I, Concerned Mom, but simply knowing she has a mother like you leads me to believe that she could benefit from being there.  The young children I've worked with do very well being present as long as they have been prepared for what they will see and experience.  Before you go much further, please talk with your veterinarian so you understand exactly how he or she will perform the euthanasia.  If your vet uses a sensitive, compassionate technique and you feel he or she will be aware of your needs, as well as the medical expertise required, then you may feel quite confident that you and your daughter will be in good hands.  If you aren't sure that your veterinarian will be sensitive to the impact of the euthanasia, you may want to explore other options or have a more in-depth conversation with him or her.  Be sure your veterinarian is aware that your daughter might be present at the euthanasia.

If you feel good about your vet's techniques (both medical and emotional) describe the plan and steps involved to your daughter and ask her if she would like to draw a picture or have you help her write a note to your dog that she can give him as you say good-bye.  Since you are doing the procedure at your home, you also might want to involve her in preparing some sort of memorial that you can either place in the spot where he dies (like a plant or some flowers, a photo, etc.) or in another part of your home...somewhere she feels she can go when she wants to feel close to him again.

The key is preparation, Concerned Mom.  As you talk with her about what will happen, if you feel her anxiety escalating or, if she repeatedly says, "no, I don't want to do that," then by all means, don't force her or push her to be part of it.  Even young children know their own needs and limits and, as parents, we empower them by allowing them to make choices that are right for them.

Finally, if your daughter is going to be present at the euthanasia, I would encourage you to ask a close friend or relative to be there with you in your home, with the clear role of taking care of your daughter for you when her attention wanes and she moves on to other things.  Since preschoolers have short attention spans, she may not wish to remain involved for very long in the good-byes.  She may not have as much need as you to sit with your dog and simply spend time with him.  However, if you are the only one there to attend to your daughter, you may not get the time you need to say and do what's right for you and your sweet friend.

So, the bottom line is, 1) talk to your veterinarian prior to the procedure so you understand exactly what will occur, 2)prepare your daughter and assess how she reacts to the open choice of being with your dog and, 3) if she's present, ask someone to be there to take care of her, if she needs supervision before you are able to provide it. 

I hope this helps, Concerned Mom.  If you have further questions, don't hesitate to email again or contact one of the counseling services we have posted on our website (You'll find a list in the Veterinary Wisdom® Support Center on our Pet Parent site). I trust your instincts, Concerned Mom, whatever you decide.  My thoughts and heart are with you and your sweet dog.

Warmly, Laurel

Pets and Children

The October- 2009 issue of the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association (JAVMA) calls for research proposals in the veterinary world. Specifically, it appears that the National Institutes of Health, along with Mars Inc. are looking for studies that examine human-animal interactions and their effect on child health and development. According to the article, there is 2 million dollars in funding over the next four-year period.

The very fact that people want to study how animals affect children shows how far our world has come in the human-animal bond. Many studies over the years have shown how human-animal interactions can improve the health of seniors with medical problems. It only makes sense that they would want to look at the role of animals in the physical and psychological treatment of children.

What if you were a researcher? If you were writing a grant for this topic, what would you want to study? What issues around children and animals are most interesting to you?

--Dana

Hedgehog Happenings

Last week, the Clarion Hotel in Colorado Springs was the place to be if you are in to quills. Yes indeed, The Rocky Mountain Hedgehog Show was held with over 50 people in attendance. I've written about hedgehogs before...they are favorite pets of children and very interesting animals. Obviously, children aren't the only ones who love these curious little creatures.

The Hedgehog show featured the same things you would find at a dog or cat show. There was a costume contest, agility contest, best in appearance, and at the end of the day, a ceremony for hedgehogs that have died (which is very cool in my opinion). My one question though...how do you test for agility in a hedgehog?

What do you all think about hedgehogs in general. Have any of you had hedgehogs as pets and what were your experiences? I've never had a hedgehog so I would love to hear from all the hedgehog enthusiasts out there!

--Dana

Calming Canines

Yesterday, I heard about a growing problem that affects service dogs and their owners. It appears that the some of the public school districts in Chicago, California, and Pennsylvania are refusing to allow autistic children to bring their dogs to school with them (they worry about other children who may be afraid of dogs).  Like seeing-eye dogs for the blind or deaf, trained dogs are now used to help autistic children deal with their disabilities (such as repetitive movements, violent outbursts, and problems communicating). The dogs are trained to be a calming influence and provide the child with constancy between home, school, and other places.

While there's little research out there on how these dogs affect autistic kids,  many families with autistic children claim that the dogs are "amazingly helpful" in keeping their child calm and focused. Recently, two autistic elementary school students won court orders in Illinois to allow their dogs to accompany them to school. Similar lawsuits are being filed by other autistic children in California and Pennsylvania. It seems that these children and their families have absolutely no doubts about the importance of these special dogs.

What are your thoughts about this? Should assistance dogs be allowed in schools to help autistic children? Should it matter that there is little scientific proof of the benefits of these dogs? Let's hear your thoughts. (photo from bigstockphoto.com)

--Dana

Media Mania

There are times at our pet hospital when time is very tight. When talking to clients about surgeries or other complicated procedures, it is very helpful to have written material the client can take home. What do you think about taking a video home?

More and more, veterinary hospitals are using DVDs to help explain procedures and surgeries. This can be very powerful since we all know how "seeing is believing." For example, some veterinary oncologists use DVDs to educate pet owners about chemotherapy. At our pet hospital, we use DVD's for various issues such as behavior problems and specific surgeries.

I'm realizing that using DVDs can be a very helpful tool for educating pet owners. I am now working on making videos for even standard procedures (such as a spay or neuter which of course, is NOT standard for the pet owner. I also want to make a video about euthanasia (what to expect, what will happen, the drugs involved, etc). When Laurel Lagoni directed the Argus Institute at Colorado State University's Veterinary Teaching Hospital, she and her colleagues made videos about euthanasia and pet loss (sponsored by AAHA). These videos yielded positive comments and helped many pet owners.

What about you? Has your veterinarian ever offered a video that explains medical procedures? If so, was it helpful? Some veterinarians worry that using videos might negatively affect the personal connection he/she has with the client. What do you all think?

--Dana

Small In Stature...Big In Imagination

Most veterinary practice owners will tell you that children are an important part of their clientele. Besides the few that are unruly and complicate an appointment, most kids are valuable resources for the doctor. Veterinarians rely heavily on a pet's recent "history" in making a diagnosis (how the pet has been eating, drinking, playing, sleeping,  etc., in the last few weeks). Parents who are often busy with work and family, cannot always provide detailed information. However, if you ask one of the children in the family, there's often a treasure trove of information (with even more details than asked for).

Kids and pets simply go together. They are kindred spirits in their need to play, explore, and understand the world around them. As a result, these relationships can be profound. At our hospital, we try very hard to involve and encourage children as much as possible. As a whole, I feel good about how we handle communications with kids (especially when it comes to pet death and grief). However, involving children when a pet needs a complicated or risky surgery can be a tricky thing.

We all know that children have wild imaginations. Our approach is to be as honest as possible. This sounds good, but it can be difficult to explain a complicated medical issue or a risky surgery to a child. You want to be honest, open, and receptive to their questions, yet you don't want to scare the wits out of them.

Because children have such active imaginations, explaining risky surgeries and complicated medical procedures is a delicate art. Some children become very frightened and anxious with an overload of medical information. The trick is to be honest while keeping them from getting overwhelmed.

What are your opinions? Have any of you had to explain a difficult medical issue to your child(ren)? How did you deal with their anxiety and what was helpful to you? Do any of you know a veterinarian that is particularly good with children? What makes him/her so good? I welcome your thoughts! (photo from bigstockphoto.com)

--Dana

The Gift of Good-Bye

Some good friends of ours just recently had to euthanize their 18 year-old cat. It was very difficult for all of them but it was definitely the right decision (the most loving and humane one). As it turned out, it was just the Father who ended up staying with the cat throughout the euthanasia. I spoke with my friend several days after to see how she and her family were doing. They have two boys (ages 15 and 11). Both of the boys were doing well although feeling very sad (of course).

The interesting part for me was when she told me that both boys specifically thanked her for the opportunity to say good-bye. Both were very sure that they didn't want to stay during the euthanasia, but they were given their own, personal and private chance to say good-bye in their own way. Now, for a teen-age boy to THANK a parent for anything...that "anything" must be pretty amazing. I've seen it and lectured about it countless times, but I'm continually reminded about how important it is to let children say good-bye to their beloved pets. It may sound like a simple thing...but it can make a great deal of difference when it comes to grieving that loved one.

Did any of you have experiences with childhood pets where you were not given the opportunity to say good-bye when they died? What do you think about this, and what do you think is the best way to help children?

--Dana

Thinking Like A Kid

This week, Steve and I will be teaching a class at our kids' elementary school (we do it twice a year and have been doing it since 2005). We call it "Veterinary Science" and we teach several things: what veterinary medicine is all about; what's important to know about keeping your pet healthy; responsible pet ownership; and how a veterinary hospital works from the "inside."

This class is always very popular and the kids are terrific. One thing that we didn't expect however, was just how much we enjoy doing it. At first, I thought it would be just "one more thing" on the calendar. It's wonderful to re-discover one's profession through the eyes of a child. It reminds you of why you started doing your job in the first place.

This class has also generated new clients for us. Community involvement can make a huge difference for a small business owner! What about your veterinarians? Do they get involved in community activities? If so, what do they do? Do you all think that a veterinarian has a responsibility to get involved? Let's hear your thoughts!

--Dana

Angst Among Us

Ah... the teenage years. For those of us who can still remember them, we think of an incredibly awkward, confusing, and tumultuous time of life. The body is doing new and strange things, growing hair in weird places, and everything seems so dramatic. How other people think of you (especially peers) becomes the center of the universe. Would I like to re-live my teenage years? Thanks, but I think I'll pass.

At our pet hospital, we occasionally have teenagers come in with their parents for pet exams. Here's a classic case of appearance being deceiving. A lot of our teenage clients stand in the back of the exam room, never say a word, and act as though they are communing with the posters on the wall. And then there's the whole "eye-contact" thing. Getting a teen to actually look at you is about as likely as winning the lottery. I've often wondered why this is the case... what is so threatening about eye contact? I guess the combination of conflict, confusion, and self-doubt puts angst in the driver seat.

Last week, my husband had an appointment with a woman, her dog, and her 15 year-old son. He told me that the boy did not make a single sound, appeared bored out of his skull, and seemed completely indifferent to what was going on. As the appointment was wrapping up, Steve asked the mom and the son if they had any questions. Surprisingly, the boy then proceeded to ask a series of insightful questions proving that he had not only been paying attention, but that he was the family expert on the pet's health. Steve was quite impressed, but not surprised. He'd seen this many times before with other teens.

Steve was glad that he didn't let the angsty thing affect how he communicated with this boy. Despite the apparent indifference and brooding, Steve continued to look at the boy, address him by name and include him in all the interactions. It was an important decision. We can't afford to ignore the more difficult clients and focus only on the "easy" ones. We often remind our employees that the pet's entire family is our client. We must take the lead in emotionally complex interactions... it's our JOB.

What about you? Were you ever ignored or passed over when you were a teenager? Can you think of times when you cared a great deal about something but projected an image of indifference? What do you think a veterinarian's responsibility is in these situations? What would you like as a teenager, or as a parent? I welcome your ideas and thoughts!

--Dana

Hugging a Hedgehog

My husband had a fun appointment at our pet hospital the other day. He saw a mom, a 7-year old girl, and her pet hedgehog, Milani. Milani was a cute little gal and it was obvious how much this little girl loved her. When my husband told me about the appointment, it served as a good reminder just how much kids can get attached to their pets.

It was easy to like Milani. She was a friendly, little squirt that liked gobbling up her meal worms while  trucking along the exam table. Occasionally, she would stop snacking to playfully lick my husband's fingers. At one point, she suddenly stopped -- turned around and started sniffing his shirt. Before he knew it, she had grabbed ahold of it nearly munching on his stomach in the process (guess she caught a whiff of something really good)! Throughout the exam, the little girl watched intently, ever vigilant as to what my husband was doing. When the appointment was over, the mother suggested returning Milani to her carrier. The little girl would have none of this, instead choosing to carry Milani out of the hospital, hugging her tightly (it is quite a feat to hug a hedgehog when you consider all those quills). All the while -- she gave Milani the "once over" reassuring herself that Mr. Friendly Veterinarian had not hurt her in any way.

We all know that children can get very attached to their pets. This story reminded me of how important it is to involve them in all aspects of their pet's lives including the veterinary visits. By including her daughter in Milani's exam, this Mom did a great job of teaching her how to be a responsible pet owner... to ask questions, to pay attention, and to make medical care a priority. But more than that, she acknowledged the relationship the two of them share. She respected her daughter's bond with this little tyke and allowed her to express those feelings of compassion, protectiveness, and love.

Way to go Mom! Do your kids have pets? How do you handle their vet visits, and other pet-related issues?

--Dana

Question: Kids at euthanasia?

Question: We have to euthanize our 12-year-old Springer Spaniel soon. Our kids say they want to be there when it happens. Should our 10-year-old and 8-year-old daughter see this?  --Joan H., Lafayette, CO.

Joan, this is always a difficult decision for parents to make. The answer depends on several factors, like your veterinarian's comfort and willingness to perform 'family-present' euthanasia, your ability to deal with your own grief while also comforting your children, and the nature of your children's interest and motivation for 'being there' when their pet dies.

Why is 'being there' so important to some kids? Maybe it will help to compare that desire to another event we've all experienced recently.

Listening to the news coverage of President Obama's inauguration, I was struck by the numbers of people going to D.C. who simply wanted to 'bear witness' to this important occasion. They said they wanted to "see for themselves" the event that would change their lives.

To 'bear witness' and 'see for yourself' is to accept the reality of something that may otherwise be hard to believe. When somebody we love dies, it's often important to see their lifeless body. Viewing a loved one's body or, in the case of a companion animal, being present when the pet is euthanized, reassures us that death has actually occurred. It also assures us that death was delivered as peacefully and painlessly as possible. All of these experiences trigger feelings of grief which, in turn, allow the natural healing process to begin.

I would caution you about a few points, though. Every veterinarian handles euthanasia differently so, before young children are encouraged to attend, ask your veterinarian about his or her 'family-present' euthanasia protocol. Get a thorough understanding of what your children are likely to see and experience. And, never force or insist that a child witness euthanasia if they are not willing and ready to do so.

In my 20 years of facilitating 'family-present' euthanasias at Colorado State University's Veterinary Teaching Hospital, I honestly never talked to a family who regretted having their young children in attendance. The key was preparation.

For more information about preparing kids to witness a pet's humane death by euthanasia,  you may want to download Veterinary Wisdom About Helping Children Through a Pet's Euthanasia by Dana Durrance. Or Euthanasia: the guide for loving pet owners by Dr. Laurie Thornton.

--Laurel