Today, I want to go back to a question I received from a blog reader that we discussed a bit last week. This person asked about agreeing to take another person's pet to the vet to be euthanized. The situation presented was a bit more complicated than that since it involved a married couple, one of whom owned the dog but couldn't bring himself to make the final decision to euthanize or be the one to take the dog in for the final good-bye.
If you find yourself in this position, I understand the feelings of empathy you have for someone who seems to be so sensitive and so pained by the thought of losing a pet that he simply can't face it. It's human nature to want to help. However, there are several key issues you should get straight before agreeing to take responsibility. The key is to reach clarity about the many, many decisions and choices that surround a pet's euthanasia. If you don't think these choices through ahead of time, you will be confronted with them at the same time that you are emotionally distraught by the imminent euthanasia and may not make the decision that either you or the person you are attempting to help would want.
In a nutshell, these are the choices you and the pet's owner should discuss before a pet's euthanasia:
1. When is the "right" time? What signs will you look for? What are the "bottom lines" that will signal to you both that the time has come to make an appointment? For instance, for some families, incontinence or increasing 'nursing' care is the sign. For others, it's when a pet stops eating and drinking water. Decide what quality of life issues are significant to both of you. Be sure to discuss these signs with your veterinarian so you will know what to expect and look for and, while you're at it, ask your vet how he or she prefers to perform euthanasias. For example, can you be there with the pet, is home euthanasia an option?
2. Where should the euthanasia take place? Will you take the pet to your veterinary clinic or would you prefer to have your pet euthanized at your home? Home euthanasias take considerably more planning as your vet may not always be available or even willing to come to your home when you feel it's time.
3. Who needs to be present when the pet is euthanized? Does the person you're helping want you to stay with the pet during the procedure? Are there children who need to be included or at least offered the choice to be with their pet? If no one feels the need to be there, do they at least want to say a private good-bye before you go to the vet clinic? Be aware that every person's needs may be different so coordination and planning ahead is again essential.
4. What method of body care is best for this pet and the family? Burial at home (if legal) or in a pet cemetary, cremation, or even disposal by the veterinarian. If you don't have a preference and choose to let your vet determine body care, you may want to ask what this is...rendering, the landfill...most vets don't have many choices in terms of how they dispose of pet's bodies if the owners don't wish to make their own arrangements for cremation or more formal burial.
5. Is it important to secure a "linking object" of some sort from the pet before releasing the body? Many people want a pet's collar, a clipping of fur from a favorite spot like the tail or ears, or a ClayPaws® print of the pet's paw. Think ahead about what might be meaningful and ask the pet's owner what he or she would like. You may not think these things are important at the time, but they can become extremely comfortable and meaninful mementos as grief progresses. In general, if you're not sure, it's best to get them while you can and dispose of them later if they are not valued by the pet's family.
As Dana commented last week, communication is the key when you agree to do a favor like this for someone else. Agree out of love for the person you're helping, but insist on a conversation to clarify your help so it won't damage your friendship (or marriage!) down the road.
--Laurel
Very sage advice, Laurel. Thank you.
turtlecookie
Posted by: turtlecookie | March 04, 2010 at 01:04 PM
Fabulous words Laurel...I wish everyone in these situations could consult with you before-hand!
Posted by: Dana | March 07, 2010 at 05:08 PM