Memorializing With the Heart

At our hospital, we have two separate memorial plaques on the wall of our front lobby. One for dogs, and one for cats. If clients wish to have their pet's name engraved on one of our plaques, we simply ask that they make a small donation (in the amount of their choosing) to a variety of worthy and respectable animal welfare organizations (we provide them with a list to choose from). Over the years, these plaques have been quite popular and I'm proud of the fact that we've been able to raise good money for these animal organizations. However, I think that I had lost track of how important these plaques are in helping clients deal with their grief.

Last week, I spoke to a client who wants to get a nameplate for her cat (he died last month). She had questions for me about how to fill out the form, and which animal organizations were the most "deserving". As our conversation continued, it became increasingly clear to me how much this whole process of memorializing was helping her with her grief. As we discussed details, she was able to express some of her regrets, her sadness, and her trouble with adjusting to life without her precious friend. It gave us an easy opportunity to talk about her grief process and what she finds most challenging. It's a good reminder for me just how important memorialization is to having a healthy grief outcome. The very act itself requires us to reflect on our relationship with that pet; the good and bad times; and the wacky stories over the years. It can be very sad, but it's also comforting just to be thinking about our pets and not forgetting their impact on our lives. I always suggest to clients that they do some kind of memorial when their pet dies because it allows me a chance to support them. It's nice to know that I'm also increasing the change of better grief outcomes along the way.

How have you memorialized pets that you have lost?

--Dana

Comments

[Tammy]

Dana - it is so great that your hospital has these plaques that people can use to memorialize their pets.

I haven't done a whole lot (other than ClayPaws prints, of course!) to memorialize my pets who have died. The one thing I recall is the stepping stone that I made for my cat, Bear. It is placed in the spot where he is buried to mark and memorialize. It was definitely healing to make the stone while thinking of my Bear cat!

[turtlecookie]

Dana, what a great idea for your clinic! I love that it serves so many purposes -- helping a client deal with grief, an opportunity for connection between the clinic and the client, and a way to benefit organizations that benefit animals. Beautiful.

I have not memorialized many of my pets. The pets from my childhood with one exception, and it was back in the 70's when people didn't think about these things) all died after I had left home. My first loss as an adult was a cat that disappeared. Her collar was later found in a sandbox that backed onto a drainage area. The boy who found it said that they had found several collars there. We think she got eaten by a coyote. With the second loss, a cat who died of cancer, I received her ashes and a clay pawprint (it wasn't a "ClayPaw," but it was nice) and her ashes (we had her cremated.) I put the ashes in an old whiskey barrel planter that she liked to sun in, and I planted a Bleeding Heart plant in it. I still have the pawprint, but the whiskey barrel stayed when we moved.

Turtlecookie.

[Dana Durrance]

Dear Turtlecookie,

It sounds as though you've lost many precious companions over the years and were denied some opportunities to memorialize these friends. I'm sorry for your losses. Losing a friend due to a coyote attack must have been so hard in that you never really got a chance to say good-bye. I agree that the 1970's was a difficult time for pet owners in need of grief support. It's so nice to see how much that has changed in the past 20 years!

I too, had some childhood dogs (dachshunds) that I did not memorialize. I've been thinking though, that's it's really never to late to do this and I might just give it a try! The products and services provided by companies like World by the Tail, Inc. make this process so much easier...it's nice to know that there are caring people out there.

You are probably aware of the Colorado State University Animal Cancer Center (www.csuanimalcancercenter.org) They might be a neat resource for you if you ever want to memorialize your cat who died from cancer. Thanks for your comments!

[Dana Durrance]

Hi friends,
Im spending too much time petting my dogs while I'm online! I posted the wrong address for the website! Sorry about that!